"Dude, how do you do that?"
This is by far the most frequently asked question people seem to be asking me lately.
I'll hear it from my friends and on-lookers after engaging in some social or professional interaction with complete strangers, potential clients, or people who seem to be on a "higher plane of success " than your usual average folks.
So what exactly is that that I'm referring to?
Honestly, I don't even know.
But if I had to put a label on it, I'd have to say it's the ability to be confident.
This is by far the most frequently asked question people seem to be asking me lately.
I'll hear it from my friends and on-lookers after engaging in some social or professional interaction with complete strangers, potential clients, or people who seem to be on a "higher plane of success " than your usual average folks.
So what exactly is that that I'm referring to?
Honestly, I don't even know.
But if I had to put a label on it, I'd have to say it's the ability to be confident.
The first time I realized I had this confidence thing happening to me was about 7 months ago when a bus boy at a restaurant I've been moonlighting at came up to me after witnessing me charm a complete stranger on their way out of the restaurant.
The kid came up to me and asked how he could do what I just did.
I didn't have a simple answer for him. In fact, I wish there was a simple answer because there' are an infinite number of factors at play here.
The best I could tell him was this.
The kid came up to me and asked how he could do what I just did.
I didn't have a simple answer for him. In fact, I wish there was a simple answer because there' are an infinite number of factors at play here.
The best I could tell him was this.
-You can't worry about what other people might think about you.
-Just DO things, and don't second guess yourself.
-Even if you don't know exactly what you're doing, you'll figure it out on the way.
-Practice speaking to anyone and everyone
-Surround yourself with people who lift you up.
(Sidenote: about that busboy- he managed to become a bartender at the restaurant in just a few months by knowing he had the ability to be a great people person. He just needed a little confidence)
-Just DO things, and don't second guess yourself.
-Even if you don't know exactly what you're doing, you'll figure it out on the way.
-Practice speaking to anyone and everyone
-Surround yourself with people who lift you up.
(Sidenote: about that busboy- he managed to become a bartender at the restaurant in just a few months by knowing he had the ability to be a great people person. He just needed a little confidence)
Now I didn't come up with any of this on my own, and it certainly didn't happen overnight.
And I'm definitely not saying I'm some jedi master alpha male that's confident at all times.
The cute girl at the gym that keeps glancing over at me between sets of lunges?
It would be easy to swagger on over and introduce myself, right?
That's right. Too Easy.
But 9 times out of 10, I wont do that. I'll shyly look away and walk out of the joint kicking myself about a great missed opportunity.
Clearly, I'm not ALWAYS confident.
But i know my level of confidence has VASTLY increased from where it was just a year ago.
I never thought I'd be the type of guy to become a great bartender, start and run my own business, and coach/train dozens of clients, or being a half decent engineer. All which happened within the same year in fact.
So here's me taking a shot at explaining where this whole confidence thing comes from, and how you can capture some of this voodoo juice.
And I'm definitely not saying I'm some jedi master alpha male that's confident at all times.
The cute girl at the gym that keeps glancing over at me between sets of lunges?
It would be easy to swagger on over and introduce myself, right?
That's right. Too Easy.
But 9 times out of 10, I wont do that. I'll shyly look away and walk out of the joint kicking myself about a great missed opportunity.
Clearly, I'm not ALWAYS confident.
But i know my level of confidence has VASTLY increased from where it was just a year ago.
I never thought I'd be the type of guy to become a great bartender, start and run my own business, and coach/train dozens of clients, or being a half decent engineer. All which happened within the same year in fact.
So here's me taking a shot at explaining where this whole confidence thing comes from, and how you can capture some of this voodoo juice.
Keys to Confidence
The best and simplest thing you could do, (simplest, not easiest) is just start doing things.
It can be anything. Literally, anything.
I guess the best way to say this is don't hesitate when it comes to making move. Just take action.
If you're given an opportunity to say something, just say whatever it is you want to say and don't worry about what those around you might think about your input.
Think about all the times you've been in a public setting where you've wanted to speak up, but you held your tongue for fear of being judged, looking stupid, or just feeling embarassed to speak your mind.
Yeah, you've been there. We all have.
It's going to be hard and a little bit uncomfortable at first, but it's something that's got to happen if you want to be confident.
On that note, I've noticed more and more people are becoming worse and worse at communicating in person.
You can thank social media for that I'm sure.
The best and simplest thing you could do, (simplest, not easiest) is just start doing things.
It can be anything. Literally, anything.
I guess the best way to say this is don't hesitate when it comes to making move. Just take action.
If you're given an opportunity to say something, just say whatever it is you want to say and don't worry about what those around you might think about your input.
Think about all the times you've been in a public setting where you've wanted to speak up, but you held your tongue for fear of being judged, looking stupid, or just feeling embarassed to speak your mind.
Yeah, you've been there. We all have.
It's going to be hard and a little bit uncomfortable at first, but it's something that's got to happen if you want to be confident.
On that note, I've noticed more and more people are becoming worse and worse at communicating in person.
You can thank social media for that I'm sure.
Talk To People
This is the one the one premise that scares people the most as I previously alluded to.
The ability to commnuicate ideas clearly is a skill that will definitely set you apart from the herd and propel you up the confidence scale.
And the only way to improve a skill is to practice.
Make conversation with the cashier at the supermarket, the server at the restaurant, and everyone you come across.
You'll be surprised at the impressed reaction you'll get from the people you talk to.
Guys, go talk to girls.
Girls, go talk to guys.
All of them. Anyone of them.
Say something enlightening, or say something goofy.
Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable for a while.
While we're on it, get familiar with the feeling of rejection. It's the mere thought of rejection alone that will stop you from taking action in the first place.
Once you realize the sky doesn't come crashing down when you hear the word NO, you'll be cool with the idea of rejection.
Competence=Confidence
This is something known as the confidence/competence loop.
If you're pretty competent about a subject, you'll know doubt be confident when it comes to talking about it.
I guarantee it.
Conversely, if you're in a position where you know almost nothing about the what you're facing, don't sweat it.
You'll figure it out on the way. The key here is to stay cool under pressure.
This is especially true if everyone around you is feeling stressed, worried, or unsure about something.
When they look at you and see you staying cooler than a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce, this will exude confidence like none other.
I guarantee it.
Conversely, if you're in a position where you know almost nothing about the what you're facing, don't sweat it.
You'll figure it out on the way. The key here is to stay cool under pressure.
This is especially true if everyone around you is feeling stressed, worried, or unsure about something.
When they look at you and see you staying cooler than a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce, this will exude confidence like none other.
Keep positive people close
Think about the type of people you spend most of your time with?
Are they the type who constantly complain, find fault in what they're doing with their lives, or are scared to take risks for improvement.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to think about cutting some of these people loose.
You've got to spend time with those who share your same ambition and who can directly, or indirectly motivate you, energize you, and make you feel worthwhile.
Attributes like these are contagious.
And if you don't have people like this around you right be, BE that person to those around you.
Think about the type of people you spend most of your time with?
Are they the type who constantly complain, find fault in what they're doing with their lives, or are scared to take risks for improvement.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to think about cutting some of these people loose.
You've got to spend time with those who share your same ambition and who can directly, or indirectly motivate you, energize you, and make you feel worthwhile.
Attributes like these are contagious.
And if you don't have people like this around you right be, BE that person to those around you.
Put yourself out there
Excuse the language, but I'm going to be blunt here: sometimes you just can't give a fuck what people think.
This is a time where social media is the biggest wave to be riding when it comes to advertising, building a business, or just building yourself.
I was pretty resistant to the social media trend for the longest time.
But I've come to accept it's something I have to embrace if I want to be part of the conversation.
Got snapchat? Snap yourself right now reading this. Then snap yourself again doing whatever it is you do next.
There's still a lot of people who might say you're egotistic, narcissistic, or self entitled millennial piece of shit for pulling out your camera and filming yourself in public.
Haters gon' hate.
It'll take some time and some practice, but there's no reason who can't constantly strive to improve your confidence level. There's no downside to this.
You'll achieve more, inspire more, and be more comfortable as you become more confident.
And as for me, i'll keep chatting up big wigs at the bar Friday nights and picking up clients to train off the street.
Who knows I may even start talking to 2 out of every 10 cute girls who smile at me at the gym.
Excuse the language, but I'm going to be blunt here: sometimes you just can't give a fuck what people think.
This is a time where social media is the biggest wave to be riding when it comes to advertising, building a business, or just building yourself.
I was pretty resistant to the social media trend for the longest time.
But I've come to accept it's something I have to embrace if I want to be part of the conversation.
Got snapchat? Snap yourself right now reading this. Then snap yourself again doing whatever it is you do next.
There's still a lot of people who might say you're egotistic, narcissistic, or self entitled millennial piece of shit for pulling out your camera and filming yourself in public.
Haters gon' hate.
It'll take some time and some practice, but there's no reason who can't constantly strive to improve your confidence level. There's no downside to this.
You'll achieve more, inspire more, and be more comfortable as you become more confident.
And as for me, i'll keep chatting up big wigs at the bar Friday nights and picking up clients to train off the street.
Who knows I may even start talking to 2 out of every 10 cute girls who smile at me at the gym.
